I am 29 Male. All my life I have been searching for meaning and purpose of my existence. I witnessed peers who went to school with me are at a comfortable position in life, be it in a good career, having their own family, whereas I am still looking for something that I am good at doing. The feeling of helplessness is slowly creeping, engulfing my sanity each day. I know that being negative, worrying about things that I may not have much control is not good for my mental health, but I could not find the right person or medium to share these issues with. Parents are physically present yet emotionally absent, resorting to just dismissing the worries in my head. Recently I managed to secure a job after leaving my previous job in December as an engineer. While it was uplifting to be employed after a ‘break’, the ‘darkness’ is slowly taking over my thoughts. Its only been 3 weeks and I feel am not able to fit in to the job. I’m not sure whether it’s the negativity or me realising that it is an Imposter Syndrome I’m facing. I feel that all the years from 2016 to 2020 that I have worked as an engineer was under a pretence, I thought it was something I could excelled in. I am constantly placed under the impression from my current mentor that I am not suitable for the job based on my daily activities given by him. I hope you could give some advice on my issues. Thank you for providing this opportunity to share my concerns. TLDR: 29M still unclear of his life purpose.
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Dear Jackie
Thank you for reaching out to Aunt Available.
Comparison is how we feel smaller than we should sometimes. Every one progresses at different speed and while your peers might have started their own families, progressed in their careers, it’s ok if you haven’t reached there. Your journey is still in progress. Let’s firstly, stop comparing yourself to others because you shouldn’t be worried about things that you have no control over 🙂
Congrats on your new job! Have you tried speaking to your mentor and find out if there is anything you can improve on? Do you have peers you can speak to at work to see if your work is ok? I guess a lot of times, we do need validation, especially when it comes to work, to know whether we are on the right track or not. I personally think that it will be a great idea to speak to your mentor, and find out if your work is getting better or what areas of your work can be improved. The hardest things will be bringing this chat up and also not taking the comments personally. But view it as a form of learning, a way to better yourself.
Be kinder to yourself, Jackie. A lot of us haven’t figured life purpose out too but it’s the continuous pursuit that will lead you somewhere. Don’t give up, you’re still young!